Memories

As I walked into the room

I wondered who this was

Such a small woman

Sitting in a lonely little chair

Trying to find the end of a straw

Balancing precariously in a little plastic cup of tea

She didn't even look up

No life in her eyes

Just a blanket of hopelessness

Draped over her shoulders

Tremors wracking her frail frame

Like a violent thunderstorm shaking a once strong Oak

"I love you"

I heard myself say

"Don't cry for me when I am gone"

Came whispering back

And I felt my heart breaking into a thousand pieces

Witnessing the pain etched into her tiny face

As I looked about

All I could see

Was the oxygen tank

And the dark bruises lengthening on her arms and legs

It was as if a banner of misery

Hung in defeat

Gathering a cup

I removed her teeth and cleaned them

Reaching for a comb

I tended her hair

Lovingly sliding the clips

I touched her face and prayed

A thousand memories

Raced through my mind

She took me on the train to the city as a child

She took a job in a riverside cafe

Just so that I could play netball by the river

And I wanted to go back

Back to the house

Where I gardened alongside her

Back to the Christmas

Where I took her to the beach and we laughed

Back to all those treasured memories

When health was her friend and there was still time

Taking the deepest breath

I reminded her of the last two times

She felt she would not recover and she lost hope

Yet we made it through

She looked directly at me and said

"I won't be coming back this time"

All air escaped me

My legs turned to jelly

My mind wept

Yet I smiled at her beautiful little face

Cupped it in my hands and said

"I love you"

As I walked through the corridors

I know so well now

All I could think about was the suffering she has endured

Over the last four years

And I took my ticket on the emotional rollercoaster

All the way home

Life

I couldn't help but wonder

Why is it so challenging for some?

Kind in deed

Good of heart

The world is a better place because she is part of it

And I feel so blessed

To call this once strong and formidable woman

Now sitting in a lonely little chair

So tiny and so frail

Just wanting peace

My beautiful mother

May God

Or the Universe

Or whatever higher power

Is out there

Bring you peace

"I love you so much Mum"

(c) Dianne Traynor 1 August 2013